I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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