dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
