i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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