I want to stick my p in your. b.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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