im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
