whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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