why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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