it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize