yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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