Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
