doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize