The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
