my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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