drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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