Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
