if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
