Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
