i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think a kid would responsible me up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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