Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
