i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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