see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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