Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
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Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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