All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
