five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
