WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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