my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
