we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
