What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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