remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
