Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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