dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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