R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
