am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
