Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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