dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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