but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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