Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
