Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize