Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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