We're like a lot better than the average bears
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
