Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
