Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
