Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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