i just had sex bonerless
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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