I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
