seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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