she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
