So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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