blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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