At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
