i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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