Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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