Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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