I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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