someone threw a dead crab at me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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