She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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