I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men