I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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