Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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