anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
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Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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