I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
