batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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