So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
