My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize