My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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