I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
