Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
