planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you had me at cake vodka
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
