i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
