i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
